Holy Shit!

It has been quite a long time since I've blogged on here. I really feel bad about this. I am dedicating today to me starting this blog back up. I know there are only a few people that stay up to date on here, but I want to be one of those people. Plus, I feel much more comfortable writing things here, where I don't have to keep things private and there are not nearly as many people around as there are on myspace. I like to be able to write what I want to write and not have to worry about it.

That being said, I still feel the need to censor what I write to some extent. Some people go overboard with what they tell people on the internet, or complete strangers or whatever. It just seems like... well like trying too hard. I want to try just right... like Baby Bear or whatever the hell he was called.

Either way, the past couple of months has been good... particularly the last couple of weeks.... particularly the last couple days. I am happy for the first time and I feel like I deserve it. Normally I feel like I have to stay down on myself. I can't have anything without sacrificing something else. But that's not the case right now. Now I can have whatever I like and I don't have to sacrificie anything. It's as if I have free reign over almost every aspect of my life. Sure I wish I wasn't back into the habit of procrastinating, but even still, I'm actually all caught up and in some instances ahead. I'm not technically behind in anything.

I do have to avoid that word, though: technically. I try to get off on a lot of technicalities. All the time, I do. It's the part of me that wants to be a lawyer I guess. I like finding loopholes and I like doing things contrary to what is expected, just because there is no established way... or if there is an established way, it is littered with ways around it that are not technically wrong.

Anyway, whatever. I am happy. I have gotten to hang out with Zane, Jason and Jared the last two days, which didn't seem to be happening quite as often as I like it to happen. Whatever the "situation" with Kara and I is, it seems to be going well. Very well, really. I'm not really overthinking things the way I normally do, either. I am still overanalyzing things; I am certain I always will. But I'm not doing it in a way that detracts from my life, happiness, or sanity, the way I used to.

Well, I really want to take a nap before tonight's show. I don't know how much sleep I got last night, but I am 100% certain that it was not enough. Even though I didn't get out of bed until 11:00, I know that I went to bed way less than six hours prior to that, and it was broken sleep.


Mmmmm... nap.

This is for Jared... or anybody really

Yes, I kept this blog secret because I thought I was going to update it a lot more often, plus what I was blogging about at the time seemed extra whiney and I didnt want to draw attention to it. But I intend on keeping this as my deep thoughts-type blog. But these deep thoughts will have to wait because I am on the jacked up laptop and typing is a chore of which I have not the patience. But farewell for now... spread the word .... Tim is back on blogger.

I think I'm back for good now.

I swear

I want to kill myself sometimes... I really do.



But fuck... it takes as much effort as not.

Title

Sometimes I just gotta post.

I'm happy right now. I know it's not going to last forever, but for right now it feels pretty damn great just to be alive and be here at home.

I don't think I have the energy to type. I'm helping Dan brew some beer (kind of) and I think it's really fun. I really think it will be a great hobby. I want to close my eyes but I don't want to not be helping Dan with the beer.

Beer.

The last thing

I wrote I wasn't going to post. I was actually happy that I didn't post it. But then I saw that it had saved the draft and I figured, WTF... why not.

Yes, I just used WTF, but I did it for comedic effect. Pretty funny guy, huh.

I think I've fallen in love with practically every girl I've ever met. It's kind of ridiculous, but in a lot of ways true. I know it's not EVERY single girl, but it's been a damn lot of them. I've found recently that I feel a few different types of love. I can just love a girl and not want to have sex with her. I like genuinely do not want to have a physical relationship. I think it's cool that I have more complex emotions than I really thought I did. Complexity is inevitable. Humans make everything much more complex than they need to be.

This seems dumb now and I want to stop writing. Even though I really feel like writing.

Happiness

is feeling comfortable. I feel comfortable right now because I'm a little bummed out on the world. I think I'm just getting very anxious to be home. Part of me wants to just head straight through to Coolidge when I start out tomorrow. But I still want to see people and I only have 3 more stops to go. I've just got to stick it out.

I don't know if anybody has discovered this blog yet, so I don't know what level of privacy I have. I never want to like a girl again in my life and I never want another girl to like me. Instead I find myself liking the unlikeliest of girls. And it was all a big mistake/accident. And not to mention completely stupid. I do have one girl that I need to get over. I don't consider her in the "like" category really. If there was an "annoying" category that's where I'd put her. Nothing she does is annoying; it's what she doesn't do that's annoying.

Whining about girls again.... now I feel comfortable.

What I need to do...

is find something constructive that will occupy my time. Because I'm going to drive myself crazy if I have any more free time to think about things.

I also need to just not think about things. I don't know why a fun time can't just be left as such. Why do I always need to know "why?"