It's a tragic story...

but for some reason it's just not tragic enough.

I've had plans though. I've sort of changed those plans over the last few weeks/months/years though. This has left me with quite a sense of uncertainty.

I can't find the songs sad enough to bring me down. There are no words written that can bum me out. No film strip could bring me a tear.

I'm a happy guy right now. Things are not great. Things aren't even that good. But I'm happy in spite of it. I did just register for classes and got the exact schedule that I wanted, so that's a good thing. I'm in a relationship that makes me happy. I never thought I would be in one of those again, but all of a sudden... here it is. I'm having a falling out with one of my best friends and it's all because people (myself included; I'm not on a high horse here) can't talk to one another for some reason nor can they come to agreements; so that's a bad thing. But on the other hand, a friendship that seemed like it was going under has been salvaged.

Although I'm happy I realized I need to change a lot of things about my life. I think I'm moving in a positive direction in many ways, but there are a lot more things that can be done. I want to eat healthier, I want to minimize the amount of waste that I produce and increase the amount that I recycle, I want to bike even more than I do, even though I've cut down on how much I drive considerably, and lastly I want to do more to help people out.

I don't think this is all but my computer just made some updates and it wants me to restart.

I sorta don't like...

how Christians are the only religious fanatics that get a bad reputation in the usual mainstream American (or even Western) criticism (at least from what I've been exposed to). It might be just because of the liberal bias that you can't talk shit about Muslims right now. And Jews have caught shit for quite some time, so they're pretty off-limits. (But they're making a comeback lately--I've noticed a huge number of Jew references, but that might just be a Jud Apatow thing. Either way, they're becoming quite overt about things--you just have to be a Jew for it to be okay.)

Anyway... I'm sick of talking right now, I just want every religion to be discriminated against equally.

I'm going to stay optimistic...

...because I really like blogger. I like it a lot, in fact. It's fun to be here, and I like the people.

I just wish there were a little bit more feedback... but as the title of this blog implies, I'm gonna stay optimistic.

I am like a roller coaster lately. It's really sad. I worry and I worry and then I find out that there was no reason to worry. I just keep assuming that Kara is going to not like me anymore... like out of the blue or something. It makes no sense at all... I just ... worry. But she made me feel a lot better last night. I don't know what it is, but when I get compliments from certain people, it's enough to give me such a boost that I never think I'll come down. But I know I will, because like I said before, I worry.

But it's exciting to be at a stage where I can say what I want and what's on my mind and I know it won't scare her away. Plus, I got invited to a thing with her mom. I figure anybody who's willing to show off the fact that she's with someone to her family, is at least willing to keep me around for a while.

Which makes me happy.

So last night was fantastic. HOF rocked the house. It was unbelievable the change that overcame the audience. I mean, you had to be there. It started off with just us, the usual crowd, up in front of the stage, and the littler group off to the side in the under-21 corral. We were the only ones to cheer for the first few songs, and everybody else sorta half-heartedly clapped. But by the end of their set, everybody in the place was clapping and applauding and cheering. Everyone seemed to really take to them quite nicely. I'm so happy for them. Jason seemed pretty nervous at first, but after a couple songs, it was right back to the HOF we all know and love. Overall a fantastic show... Strange Young Things were not bad, just not my style... and The Black Angels, I can understand why and what people like about them, but it just wasn't working for me. I think it sounded really good, but with the video and everything that they had going on, I just found myself staring at the movies and weird images and flashes of things going by and wishing I was on some sort of drug. Peyote or acid or shrooms or some other hallucinogen. I mean, it has been a pretty long while.

I like drinking beer. I like it a lot. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. And I'm a little annoyed by people who do. Not a lot... just a little bit peeved.

Happy?

I think I am. Things have been going well. Despite my slacking, I'm getting good grades. I wish I could get myself a little more motivated to do even better. I guess it's not as important this semester, but it is about to get to the point where it'll be impossible for me to survive without putting in A LOT of effort.


For the first time in possibly about 6 years I have a girlfriend. That might not seem to add up to some of you who are aware of my past, so I'll amend that statement. I have a girlfriend that doesn't live in another state (or across the country) and that I can spend a reasonable amount of time with. I kind of get happier and happier about it the more I hang out with her. We got some good news the other day and I'm happy about that. Then her birthday is on Monday and I'm getting to throw my first toga party because of it. I'm stoked. Well, we're not 100% officially going out yet.. but we have been acting more and more boyfriend-girlfriendy lately, and I'm going to officially ask her on Saturday sometime.

My life is also good because of money. My money situation is getting better. I got a call-back from the high school I want to work as a tutor for. This will unfortunately make me have to be more responsible with my drinking during the week, but I don't think I was going to be able to keep up that lifestyle anyway. Also, my residency petition was accepted and I'm now classified as an Arizona resident for tuition purposes. What does that mean? It means a 6,000-fucking-dollar refund, that's what it means! On top of that, my GI bill money has kicked in. All I gotta do now is get a hold on that asshole in CA who ripped me off, and I'll be square. Even my dad's gonna pay me back some money I lent him. Come to think of it, I'm starting to rethink this whole getting a job thing.

Hmm.... get a job.... drink all week long.... get a job..................... this is going to be a tough one.

Yeah... I should be doing some homework right now. Especially since when Baily gets back we're going shopping for groceries and stuff for the party.

I guess this is kind of a blog. Doesn't really have the feel of my usual blogs. I have realized that I have a heart. I thought I lost it while I was in the navy.

I do want to ask some advice though... when would be a good time to tell someone you're dating that you used to be married? Shouldn't be a big deal, right? I just don't know... it seems too weird to bring up nonchalantly and too important to never mention. Eh, whatever?

Quittin' time...

I'm sort of thinking that I want to quit blogging on myspace. I know I have a fairly decent number of regular readers, but I'm just sort of getting bored with it. I have realized that it's ridiculous to check it ten times a day and to be a little upset if I don't have new messages or comments. I'm talking very very very very little upset, here... but it's still there.

I don't know... I'm talking out my ass. I probably won't quit... especially not when drunk.

I will write more later.. I feel like writing. For now it's class.

If you're reading this... please tell me

so I can put a link to your blogger. I don't know how secretive I've been about this one, and I don't know if I've even told anybody other than Jared.

I don't know how to start my project, so I'm taking a break from it. I really need to be more proactive rather than reactive. I am letting these cheesy, easy assignments get the best of me because I waited for no good reason. Not that this weekend hasn't been fun and action-filled. The grand canyon trip was nice. I was a tired-ass mofo, but we had a good crew and I got to wear a bandanna for a few hours.

The 80's party was pretty fun. Kim and Kara agreed that I had the best outfit, so I was pretty happy about that. Props to Jason on finding the perfect 80's shirt, with writing to prove it. Props to Steph for giving me a kick-ass Flock of Seagulls hairdo. Everybody loved it and it also played a big part in me having the best outfit. I feel pretty good after last night. I found out the person that I like likes me back the same amount. It's been a long time since that has happened for me. One person always likes the other incongruently. Also this weekend I noticed I throw around mathematics terms like crazy.

I have to get a shirt and tie to go with my suit. I bought a really nice watch that I am looking forward to wearing with it. It just feels nice, that watch. I don't know what it is. It's just a really fucking classy watch. I'm looking forward to a haircut, for sho. I'm just not used to hair being long on the sides, and it's quite difficult to do anything with it.

I forgot to mention, the reason I am wearing a suit is because I'm flying to Missouri for a friend's wedding. I don't like MO, but a lot of my friends are going to be there, so it is going to be a good time. Plus, I got a direct flight to KC, so no layovers!!! I hate layovers so much.

I thought that there was something else that I wanted to say, but I can't remember. I want to borrow cds from people so I can expand my musical horizons without having to spend a fortune. If you would like to work out some sort of arrangement so I can rip your cds, let me know. I'm mobile, so I can come to you.

That is all for now.

If you're reading this...

... I must first of all thank you. Then I must congratulate you. And then be ever grateful for the fact that you took the time to come check this out. Then I am happy that you took the time to keep track of it. And even though I know this applies to about 4 people. You're the best 4 people there are.

I have been sticking with the mypace blog lately. But that's only because I can reach a much wider audience that way. So many people have told me that they enjoy reading my blogs and that honestly breaks my heart. For somebody whose only existence is a function of the acceptance of those around him, you cannot possibly understand how much I care about your opinion of me.

I wish I was a sun. I am so sick of being a planet or a satellite. I want to rely on my own gravity. Worst of all, I believe I'm a comet... I come into view every few thousand years because my orbit is so great and erratic that I hardly ever come into contact with those who are most important to me. But I have such energy for everyone. I love them all so much. I love you so much.

I want this to be my main medium of expressing myself, but I sort of like the tiny community that I have that truly respect what I have to say. I'm very torn over this subject right now.


Okay, I'm curious... is the pepper shaker supposed to have more holes than the salt shaker? It seems to make sense to me, because the salt pours out so fucking quickly.

I guess I'm done for now. If you want to, spread the word.... Tim wants to finally be heard..... for some reason.


Or he's just drunken rambling again.


(most likely)